flat red spots
Wednesday, April 30, 2008according to the doctor, looks like pumutok ang mga blood vessels ko. the reason behind it is still to be determined. she wants me to drink vitamin c twice a day for two weeks to strengthen my veins. she told me not to worry but i’m not completely satisfied with her explanation. it seems that she’s even not sure what the problem is. i told her that i’m scared like shit pero sabi naman niya there’s nothing to be worried about. i’ll just take her word and hope for the best.
happy anniversary to me! :)
today is my first year anniversary in this company. congratulations to me! yey! i can now look for other job opportunities. hahaha.
i will treat evil sis to a medyo matinong lunch later. i won’t treat the entire team because my birthday is in a couple of weeks anyway so dun na lang ako manlilibre.
anyhoo, i look like a raccoon today. my eyebags are so bad. this is what happens when i try being a party girl/lasinggera for two consecutive nights. i still haven’t had enough sleep since i came back last monday.
the flat red spots on top of my feet look better now. but i think i still have to consult with the doctor. here are some of the possible explanations i found on the net:
1. allergies to sand or organisms living in the sand - possible explanation
2. poor blood circulation - this one is scary. i had a massage in galera and after the massage my muscles were really sore.
3. diabetes - another scary explanation. our family has a history of diabetes.
4. syphilis - of course this is insane! i can’t have this it’s just plain impossible.
i’ll see the doctor later. i’m half scared and half hopeful that this is really nothing and it will clear out in a couple of days.
gracia negra(?)
Tuesday, April 29, 2008nope i’m not hahaha but i think my color changed. not tanned, not sunburned but it changed. well there’s no escaping the sun when you’re on the beach. i’m not really a beach person but just for kicks i joined my good friend danie and his friends on their trip to puerto galera. they just graduated from med school so i guess that’s their last bonding before they go to different hospitals to be interns. so cool mala-grace anatomy. 
there are two things that i discovered about myself from this vacay:
1. i have a high tolerance for alcohol. well, i think higher than what i expected. i get a bit light headed but never was there a point that i lost rationality and motor skills. i think my body can react well to alcohol. i can probably call myself a responsible drinker. even if my aim was to really test my tolerance for alcohol, i still practice restraint.
2. i’m allergic to sand. another reason not to be a beach person. i’ve been to bora twice (courtesy of the senator. side comment: this year they went to palawan. :( i’m so envious!). and did not experience this. i only get small wounds when the sand rubs on my feet because of my rubber slippers but that’s it. i think i need to see a doctor about this i’m kinda worried. what if it’s not allergy! i tried googling about it and some of the explanations are scary.
mood: grumpy
veronika decided to hide
Thursday, April 24, 2008i’ve been trying to get hold of a copy of veronika decides to die but they don’t have it in gateway both national and fully booked. they don’t have it in national-sm fairview either! is there a hoarding of this book that i don’t know about?
i’ve read vdtd a couple of years ago when i was in college and i remember that i didn’t appreciate the story. maybe i can’t relate to it back then. siguro to better appreciate paulo coelho’s works, the reader has to have more experiences in life. or siguro mababaw lang talaga ako. hahaha.
so now, i just borrowed my officemate’s copy. i haven’t sat down to really focus on reading. i’m excited to read but i’m reserving it for the galera trip.
reading veronika decides to die is very timely for me. i think veronika and i have a lot of things in common. everything is supposedly okay naman but just like her i feel that something is also missing. what is missing? i don’t know. well, maybe i know but i just choose not to think about it. quarterlife crisis ito! hehehehe.
what do i need?
Monday, April 21, 2008it’s been a loong time since i ate out alone. i spent a couple of minutes first wandering around the mall then i finally decided that i should have lunch. i didn’t feel like eating because my mood was adversely affecting my appetite. but i had time to spare and i didn’t want to be stuck in the office for the rest of my lunch break.
i decided to have lunch at red ribbon. coincidence or a product of the unconscious that i always eat at red ribbon whenever i’m alone. i feel comfortable dining by myself here unlike in other places where i feel self-conscious.
while trying to finish my meal (which i didn’t enjoy as much as i would like to because of my mood), i was thinking of where i am in maslow’s hierarchy of needs. i think my focus now is on satisfying my social needs. i’m not a sociable person - friendly but not sociable. i think i have neglected this need because of my introvert personality but now i feel that’s it’s imperative for me to cultivate relationships with people.
according to wikipedia, a person can be susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and depression due to the absence of social elements. i’m not suffering from social anxiety or depression. i’m not clinically depressed that is. but i think i’m sad.
well, this is just a phase. i’ve been in this phase before and i know that this shall pass just like it did before. and then i will feel better again. when i feel better again i hope the lonely phase will never visit me ever.
in between denial and acceptance
Friday, April 18, 2008i’m amazed at how some people can have a high tolerance for painful truths and incessant lies. i am not one of them.
i have read somewhere that we should only accept something as true if there is empirical evidence. however there are certain "facts" that you just know or think or feel are true because your instincts say so. verifying if these gutfeel facts are indeed true is not for the faint of heart. in my case, i’d rather not confirm because the mere hint of a painful truth crushes my spirit. the damage has already been done by the irritating kutob, i don’t want to add insult to injury.
super cool! :)
Tuesday, April 15, 2008i.ph is super cool. a couple of weeks ago, i received a newsletter from i.ph. how cool is that!?
i wonder what happened at the fgd last thursday. i sort of wanted to go but didn’t know anybody in i.ph so decided otherwise. i’m really curious to see the faces behind the blogs that i regularly visit. i hope adam mordo writes an update about the fgd. is he like the owner of i.ph?
back from hibernation
i’m back! school’s out and all of a sudden i feel i have a lot of time on my hands. don’t know what to do with it though. when i have school, i wish for a vacation and now vacation is here and i’m bored. but come to think of it, i’m always bored. *sigh*
i wanna be uber busy. i know that i have to be careful of what i wish for but i need something to keep me preoccupied. too much idle time means a lot of time to think, to reflect, to worry about the present and the future, to be crazy.
i need to find my place in the world. what would that place be? the job that drains my energy but makes me feel accomplished at the end of the day. that group of friends that i can have serious and crazy fun moments with. that state of mind that makes me feel happy, wanting for more but is content. and of course, i don’t want (i actually dread) to be an old maid, so that partner who is going to be a partner, a friend, a lover.
